


Non-Stick

by dreameh



Series: Peter Parker's Stark Tower Adventures [14]
Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, It’s a serious question I swear, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Scott Lang is a Good Bro, The question is: can spider-man stick to a non-stick pan, This is pure shitpost, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Uhhh I don’t know what to tag, including abandoning a meeting because peter asks an absurd question, ned: walks in scott: whats with this lost... child..., that he must learn the answer to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26426113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreameh/pseuds/dreameh
Summary: A talk about Spider-Man’s abilities with the man behind the mask of Ant-Man takes a strange turn once Scott asks him a question that’s passed Peter’s mind a few times but has never been tested by the teen.“Can Spider-Man stick to a non-stick pan?”
Relationships: Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Scott Lang & Peter Parker
Series: Peter Parker's Stark Tower Adventures [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1298267
Comments: 8
Kudos: 358





	Non-Stick

“So let me get this straight, his name is Spider-Man, but he can’t even talk to spiders?” Scott Lang asked and Peter was stunned at the question. He knew that Scott was Ant Man but why would he be asking Peter that unless- “You can talk to ants?”

“In a way? Like I can control them, tell them what to do and whatever, which is close enough. Can Spider-Man control spiders?” 

“No, he can’t! He’s actually afraid of spiders.”

“What? Why?”

“You try getting bitten by a radioactive spider and getting so sick that you think you’re gonna die and then not be afraid of spiders.” Peter grumbled. Scott stared blankly back at him.

“Are you... are you okay, kid?” He asked hesitantly, fatherly instincts kicking in at the expression of discomfort.

“Peachy.” Was the sarcastic remark he got in return. 

“Was it that bad?” Scott asked, having deduced what Peter was explicitly implying moments before.

“It was horrible. If you think of the sickest you’ve ever been, then amplify it by at least 10, add pain in the body so bad that you can’t even lay still without being in pain and then waking up the next day with that all gone but being able to hear everything on the block, all the voices and sounds overlapping until it made your head feel like it was about to explode, along with smelling burnt toast all the way from the next block and the light being so obnoxious that it feels like you’re looking directly into the sun. That’s what it felt like in the days before and the first few days after, oh, and accidentally breaking a lot of miscellaneous things around the school because you underestimate your strength.”

“Holy shit kid, I’m so sorry. Like I know I didn’t know you but I wish I could’ve done something to help.” Scott seemed unable to say much and while Peter appreciated the concern but what could he have done? Ant man only popped up on the news in the past year so Peter quickly came to the conclusion that he’d only been an active hero for less time than him. 

“Yeah, I had to learn how to cope with it pretty quickly so I didn’t give away the fact that I was different to my aunt or uncle because I knew how worried they’d be. And I appreciate you saying that, but there’s nothing you would’ve been able to do. I don’t need another adult kicking themselves about not being able to help me, Mr Stark already feels bad enough about the Homecoming fiasco without knowing what really happened and Mr Bucky wishes he could’ve been around for me sooner despite being brainwashed and literally unable to think for himself for years.”

“Yeah, we all have our own reasons though. I see you, and I see how young you are and I can’t help but think, what if it were my daughter Cassie in your shoes, and that’s why I won’t let you be alone in this now that I know you. If you ever need anything, send me a text.” Scott held out a hand for Peter’s phone and when Peter pulled out a prototype Starkphone, he was clearly impressed, if the bewildered look on his face was any indication. Peter struggled to hide his laughter as the man entered his phone number in a new contact and handed back his phone with a new contact under the name of ‘bug bro’. 

“Spiders... aren’t bugs... you do know this?”

“Yeah I know, it’s for the aesthetic.” Peter openly laughed at that. 

“So...” Scott began in the hesitant tone that Peter had already noticed was used when he asked a question he thought might be dumb, “I get that you can’t talk to spiders, so you probably don’t shrink to spider size either, do you?” Peter had to double take at the question. 

“I mean, it would be pretty cool, but no, I don’t. I’ve got characteristics of a spider - so I got enhanced strength, speed, reflexes, stamina and healing. I can also stick to surfaces and I have this sixth sense that warns me about oncoming danger, I call it my Spidey Sense.”

Scott’s eyes were wide with amazement. “Kid, that’s amazing. The real question is, can you stick to a non-stick pan?” Peter froze momentarily before getting out his phone and sending a rapid fire text and then initiating a call. He put it on loudspeaker as it rang and set it down on a table. “Kid? What’s up?” Scott froze. That was Tony Stark’s voice. He was extremely worried about what this call would result in (he hopes it wouldn’t be getting in trouble with Iron Man for learning his secret son’s secret identity). “Mr Stark I’m having a crisis.”

“What about? This had better be important because I’m in a SI meeting with crusty old white men and I’ve had to leave the room just to answer the call.”

“Mr Ant-Man pointed something out to me...” Oh great, now Scott was doomed, Peter had just mentioned his dumbass idea to Iron Man “Can I stick to a non-stick pan?” 

“I... this is very important. Hold on kiddo, I’ll be right there so don’t start your little experiment without me. I’m just gonna tell these fossils that I’m leaving for something more important than a meeting that they should have requested Pepper to come to. I wasn’t listening to their yammering anyway.” And he hung up. Scott knew that Iron Man was Spider-Man’s mentor but hearing this phone call really cemented the idea that they were secretly father and son but neither knew the truth. 

The elevator opened seconds later and Scott wondered how Tony Stark had gotten up there so quickly, but instead a random teen walked out and Scott stared at him, wondering how he got there, but then realised as Peter pretty much materialised right in front of the other teen and started talking at a million miles an hour. “Oh! Ned, this is Mr Scott Lang, or Ant-Man. Mr Ant-Man, this is my best friend Ned.”

The teen just squinted at Ned momentarily before turning back to Peter, “This is the guy who went super big so you used the AT-AT takedown stat from Empire Strikes Back to take him down?” He asked excitedly and Peter grinned widely in lieu of a response. “Sick.” He held up a hand which Peter high-fived instantly.

“That was what inspired that plan? Kid, that’s pretty cool. You’re an absolute Nerd for that, but I didn’t even think of that potentially happening. Then again, I don’t have much... coherent thought when I go giant, so I couldn’t have expected that. You really did great in that fight, by the way. I’m sorry for, swiping you out of the air, I think. Any injuries that you guys suffered because of me, I’m sorry for.” Scott’s words were sincere and Peter smiled, but before he could respond, he heard Tony’s voice, it sounded somewhat sarcastic, but there wasn’t actually any hints of real sarcasm in his words. “Thanks for the apology Lang, but that can’t take back what happened in those few days.”

“I completely understand. I didn’t even know what I was getting in to, I was just told that Captain America needed me for a mission and that our opponents were wrong. Arriving at the airport and then hearing your voice and seeing that we were on opposing sides, well I’d wanted to just turn back but I didn’t want to be seen as a coward so I stayed.” Tony made an unimpressed face but shook his head with a sigh. 

“I don’t blame you. I was hoping it wouldn’t actually end up being a fight, if Steve had just  listened , it wouldn’t have ended up the way it did, but no, he’s a hardheaded fool. But, we’re passed that now, the past is in the past and all that philosophical bullshit.”

“Mr Stark-“ Ned began but Tony gave him a deadpan look and the teen looked away awkwardly and scratched at his cheek instead. 

“Now,” Tony turned and walked over to the kitchen and started rummaging through the cupboards until he’d procured a non-stick pan “the absolutely necessary knowledge. The science experiment to end all experiments. Can Spider-Man stick to a non-stick pan?”

Ned had his phone out, Scott realised belatedly, suddenly understanding why Tony Stark was announcing this in such a dramatic way. 

He held out the pan, acting as if he was displaying it to an audience. Scott decided to act along and made an ‘oooh’ sound at the same time as Ned, exactly as Tony offered the pan to Peter who, with one hand, held the handle of the pan, and the other, placed it flat on the surface of the pan. They waited with baited breath for mere seconds before Peter made a show of removing his hand from the handle. 

The pan stayed in place. Peter laughed delightedly. Ned cheered excitedly. Tony gasped. Scott screamed.

EXTRA:

  
“ **Spider-Man Goes Viral In Video Of The Vigilante Sticking To The Impossible.** ”   
Written by: Anonymous

A video released yesterday on Queens’ very own vigilante’s social media pages has gone viral worldwide. 

The video opens to Tony Stark announcing what they will be testing, which according to the comments, is something many of the hero’s fans has questioned themselves one time or another: can the wall-crawling vigilante stick to a non-stick pan?

The audience consists of the cameraman and one other person, neither of whom do we see behind the camera. Spider-Man himself is dressed casually, wearing his mask and an Iron Man merchandise shirt along with jeans. 

For a few seconds, viewers watch on with baited breath as Spider-Man lays a hand flat on the surface of the pan before removing the other hand. The famed ‘non-stick’ pan is not so non-stick, considering the sticky hero is currently holding it up by the non-stick part of the pan without difficulty. There was laughter from the vigilante, cheering from the cameraman, a gasp from the Avenger and a perfectly cut scream which ends the video. 

This video has over 23 million views which is only growing as more people watch it over and over again. 

Spider-Man continues to be relatable by showing that even he is a normal man with random urges, such as the desire to see something, anything, stick to a non-stick pan. 

**Author's Note:**

> So... I said I was gonna write a few of these during ‘lockdown’ but I’m gonna be honest... we didn’t really have a lockdown where I’m at in Australia, our premier (head of state) announced a hard lockdown on the borders and only closed down certain businesses (which did not include the fast food restaurant I work at), so life has been sort of regular for me.
> 
> I had a huge mental breakdown though and hadn’t actually been able to write more than a sentence in over three months. I’m,, sorta over that now (not entirely, but I’m writing a bit more often, ESPECIALLY after reading Loveless by Alice Oseman, which got me into a state where I want to read Every Single One of her books. I’m also getting into DC but that’s a complete different topic).
> 
> To everyone who has ever binge read this series and to those of you who are always there every update, I’m so thankful for you guys existing and I’m letting you know that I will not give up on this series at least until my planned 22 oneshots are complete. (I will hold onto that promise with a death grip I swear- the next one is Loki and although I don’t actively have a plan, I’m so looking forward to it)
> 
> Did anyone else play the Avengers game? I preordered it and I was so excited to play it that I ranted about it to one of my 10 year old nephew’s friends when I stopped in at their sport carnival after picking the game up. I’d completed it before the weekend was up (whoops) and I’m giving myself a tiny break to binge watch some shows before going on with the character-specific missions. 
> 
> Also uh,, I’ve finally gotten a clinical diagnosis for my anxiety and I’ve been seeing a psych for it so that’s fun :’)
> 
> I’m so sorry that this authors note has gotten really long but it’s been a long time since I’ve posted and lots has been going on in the world and in my life and I really need to find somewhere better than twitter to vent about my self-centred best friend.
> 
> (Also, I will double check this in the morning as it is 1am and I’m tired)


End file.
